So I'm now in the middle of the Third quarter which is crazy terrifying!
I still have so much to do and not enough time to do it! EEK!!!!
So I've joined a boot camp and signed up for an indoor cycling class. Still trying to learn to run(not doing so good at that).
The Boot Camp is rough but not so rough to stop going. Granted I can't do everything they do just the way they do it or as many times but I'm still moving and sweating and calling out to God for help.(I'm pretty sure He understands where I'm coming from) My sweet best friend went to the first class with me so I didn't have to go by myself. How do people not have friends?
The good thing about the boot camp is everyone is so focused on their own work out they don't point and laugh at the whale of a person falling over like a Rollie Pollie. Again humiliation is a huge incentive to be better. So far I've done only done boot camp for 3 days and it's a 7 week program. Week one down six to go, so Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays I'll be sweating and more than likely crying.
I won't start indoor cycling until next week and that is also kind of scary but my work best friend will be doing it with me so that's awesome. Things are so much easier with a partner! Kind of nervous about it because it's at the college extension so that just seems like another opportunity for fat girl humiliation. This class will be on Wednesdays and Fridays.
I'm still trying that stupid couch to 5k thing but running just isn't easy for me. I don't think it's supposed to be but I do wish it was! Those people who are like running clears my mind, it's so refreshing blah blah blah. They also need to say it's hard and it hurts. Oh and by the way when you're fat unless you have on a compression suit all that fat is jerking up and down causing a different kind of hurt than just an exercise burn. Can fat be sore from being jostled around? Yes I do believe it can. EMBARRASSING!!!
So see I'm throwing the kitchen sink at this junk! I'm going back to slim fast and adding in some juicing as far as my food intake goes. I'm going to head to the Doctor to get a quick physical. This coming week I have a therapist appointment to start working on that inside crap that tries to ruin everything!
One more quick note about friends - everyone needs them, to have people on your side who care, who you would do anything for and who would do anything for you. Friends who are your family. I am extremely fortunate to have a few people who listen to me throughout this craziness, pray, encourage, and cry with me. I love them and I want to say that publicly!
I'm trying to be singularly focused this last little bit. I'm planning on having a great summer with pretty happy flowers and sun tans!
Intermediate goal is to lose at least 40 pounds before our next biometric screening at work. That happens in mid July, scary times!!
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Friday, May 3, 2013
High Highs & Low Lows
Emotional crazies are not fun!!!!
But being off work and having a little retreat with your BFF makes things better.
Life can be really awesome sometimes and really F'ed up other times. Those days when you feel sad for no reason other than the horrible fear that your life might not get to be what you've always wanted it to be. It is a terrifying heartbreak.
I've joked that this year is a sabbatical from life for me. Because I was working from home and singularly focused on my goals before the next decade of my life starts. Then came all these emotions and the realization of how my negativity towards myself affects all of my relationships. And that just freaking sucks!! The biggest relationship of my life, the one with God is the hardest one to come to terms with. I feel terrible that I have turned to myself to try to control my hurt. He is so good and loves us so much and I want my actions to show him that and they just haven't been. So for the past little bit I think I have been derailed from my goals for a lot of reasons. I've let my emotions overtake me and just wallowed in them. I'm back in the office for a bit. But I'm heading to the therapist to help with the mind stuff while I'm dealing with the physical stuff. I'm going to be working from home more days a week and I'm being embarrassingly honest with people around me.(like Taylor Swift embarrassing)
My little retreat with my BFF reminded me how special people are to us. I've always known that I've loved being around people but there is something different about being around your people. The ones who say the real stuff to you, who are unashamed of bias for being on your side no matter what. We laughed, cried, stayed up late talking, shopped, all kinds of things, we were able to just be. And it was nice and ridiculous. Being in Target for four hours, eating lunch at Starbucks(in the Target), reaching a point of exhaustion but continuing on.
I think this post seems kind of down but trust me I've got some embarrassing couple of weeks ahead that I will being sharing about soon. Until then I've posted a song below which I think is sort my little theme song for this crazy, insane, hurtful, beneficial, sometimes fun part of my life. Hopefully you'll get it and I want have to explain why it's funny.
But being off work and having a little retreat with your BFF makes things better.
Life can be really awesome sometimes and really F'ed up other times. Those days when you feel sad for no reason other than the horrible fear that your life might not get to be what you've always wanted it to be. It is a terrifying heartbreak.
I've joked that this year is a sabbatical from life for me. Because I was working from home and singularly focused on my goals before the next decade of my life starts. Then came all these emotions and the realization of how my negativity towards myself affects all of my relationships. And that just freaking sucks!! The biggest relationship of my life, the one with God is the hardest one to come to terms with. I feel terrible that I have turned to myself to try to control my hurt. He is so good and loves us so much and I want my actions to show him that and they just haven't been. So for the past little bit I think I have been derailed from my goals for a lot of reasons. I've let my emotions overtake me and just wallowed in them. I'm back in the office for a bit. But I'm heading to the therapist to help with the mind stuff while I'm dealing with the physical stuff. I'm going to be working from home more days a week and I'm being embarrassingly honest with people around me.(like Taylor Swift embarrassing)
My little retreat with my BFF reminded me how special people are to us. I've always known that I've loved being around people but there is something different about being around your people. The ones who say the real stuff to you, who are unashamed of bias for being on your side no matter what. We laughed, cried, stayed up late talking, shopped, all kinds of things, we were able to just be. And it was nice and ridiculous. Being in Target for four hours, eating lunch at Starbucks(in the Target), reaching a point of exhaustion but continuing on.
I think this post seems kind of down but trust me I've got some embarrassing couple of weeks ahead that I will being sharing about soon. Until then I've posted a song below which I think is sort my little theme song for this crazy, insane, hurtful, beneficial, sometimes fun part of my life. Hopefully you'll get it and I want have to explain why it's funny.
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