High Highs & Low Lows

Emotional crazies are not fun!!!!

But being off work and having a little retreat with your BFF makes things better.

Life can be really awesome sometimes and really F'ed up other times. Those days when you feel sad for no reason other than the horrible fear that your life might not get to be what you've always wanted it to be. It is a terrifying heartbreak.

I've joked that this year is a sabbatical from life for me. Because I was working from home and singularly focused on my goals before the next decade of my life starts. Then came all these emotions and the realization of how my negativity towards myself affects all of my relationships. And that just freaking sucks!! The biggest relationship of my life, the one with God is the hardest one to come to terms with. I feel terrible that I have turned to myself to try to control my hurt. He is so good and loves us so much and I want my actions to show him that and they just haven't been. So for the past little bit I think I have been derailed from my goals for a lot of reasons. I've let my emotions overtake me and just wallowed in them. I'm back in the office for a bit. But I'm heading to the therapist to help with the mind stuff while I'm dealing with the physical stuff. I'm going to be working from home more days a week and I'm being embarrassingly honest with people around me.(like Taylor Swift embarrassing)

My little retreat with my BFF reminded me how special people are to us. I've always known that I've loved being around people but there is something different about being around your people. The ones who say the real stuff to you, who are unashamed of bias for being on your side no matter what. We laughed, cried, stayed up late talking, shopped, all kinds of things, we were able to just be. And it was nice and ridiculous. Being in Target for four hours, eating lunch at Starbucks(in the Target), reaching a point of exhaustion but continuing on.

I think this post seems kind of down but trust me I've got some embarrassing couple of weeks ahead that I will being sharing about soon. Until then I've posted a song below which I think is sort my little theme song for this crazy, insane, hurtful, beneficial, sometimes fun part of my life. Hopefully you'll get it and I want have to explain why it's funny.