Falling down

With all this emotional craziness going on and all the grey with the weather I have been longing for the sun.

The sun finally comes out and I decide that I am going to go for a nice bike ride. My bike has been sitting for two seasons so it needed some work, on my breaks from work I head to the hard ware store to get some WD40 and a new air pump. I get back and grease up the chain, pump up the tires and pray the sun stays out long enough for this to happen. The end of the work day finally comes, I get my music ready, hop on the bike and start riding down the road. All seems good, there are a few clicks and bumps here and there but for the most part it was going ok. I get a about a mile down the road and then it completely locks up and down I go. My magical sunshine filled ride resulted in me falling! Of course part of the gears come off and get stuck in the tire making it where the back tire doesn't spin and almost impossible to push it back to the house. I am now trying to kick, stand on, and push the freaking chain to break it so I can pull the gear thingy out of the tire. My hands are greasy, it's cold (but the sun is still out) dogs are barking, cars are driving by slowly staring. Finally I get things bent and moved and the gear thingy comes out of the tire and I start my walk back. I was only supposed to be gone for thirty minutes but that turned into an hour and fifteen. Can you say hot mess? Or in this case a cold one? Nothing turns out the way you think it will or least nothing I think. This magical bike ride turned into a long walk back pushing a broken bike and with me dirty with grease all over me. I got to thinking about this whole thing I'm trying to do and realized that it's fitting this should happen.

I am trying the most I've ever tried to be a better person which isn't really taking the route I thought it would but then again life never does right?

Ugh!!!! I'm not to keen on dealing with real feelings especially when they are mine. Who knew that trying to deal with such a physical problem would bring out so much emotional junk that you then have to deal with. It turns out I am a lot more messed up than I ever let on or truly believed. Having to deal with these inner torments is not fun and it kind of freaks me out. Right now I feel like I have been cut open and all the messy bits that I try to hide from the world are laying out for all to see. I've had total emotional breakdowns in front of my best friend and shared that with close friends. Being vulnerable is hard and uncomfortable and scary!

I'm in a time of purging I think so my entire life seems like a disaster but rarely does it seem like anything else. All that lame crap that they talk about on talk shows about how you have to deal with the inside before you can fix the outside is so annoying!! Yet again I think it might be true which mostly just makes me want to punch them all in the face!

ok ok this turned out to be longer than I intended!! Sorry for anyone who actually reads this.

Next up a Doctor Oz Detox Cleanse... did you just hear ominous music? yeah me too!