Second quarter begins

So As I've stated before I am a slacker! We've made it through the holidays and now glorious spring is upon us. woop woop

Once January came it was time to get down to business after all we are now in the year that 30 happens.

I have started talking more about my struggles with weight and eating healthy because the more you talk about it the more people are willing to help.

My BBF's mom is now walking with me in the mornings and holding me accountable for what I eat. Which let me tell you having to report what you eat to a healthy person is a good humiliation tactic to eat healthy. Nothing is more depressing as when you report that you ate french fries and the look of disappointment on the the healthy thin face looking back at you. Sad times!

Walking and jumping rope have been kind of awesome and horrible at the same time. I have to admit I feel more limber and I can tell I have more energy. And I know it sucks to hear people say it but exercising in the morning really does help your day. It's the craziest thing, I guess it's like what they've always told us about those endorphins.. who knew they were telling the truth?

Who knew that waking up early, asking for help, and trying to keep up behind your friends mom would be the ticket? Let me tell you a little bit about my morning walks with my friends mom, she is awesome by the way. She is a lifetime exerciser who literally walks circles around me. The first time I kept up (not great but ok) because my body thought this is a one time thing I can do anything one time. Then the second time it was like hey wait this is too much I'm sore. She chose a route that takes us on various hills and the second time up that hill I thought OMG I'm going to pass out and vomit. Then it went to OMG I'm going to vomit, pass out into my own vomit, she is going to have to call 911 then they are going to come see me in mismatched clothes, no make up, and vomit covered all because I am walking up this hill. Talk about embarrassing!!!!!!

The Hill, my nemesis is pictured below!! It may not look that bad to you but to this fat girl it is a huge thing!! Remember when I said I ate french fries after that we started doing the hill twice. She is so awesome though because now we listen to the Rocky theme song while going up it on those really hard days.



Anyway I will report that I have lost about 23 lbs since January and now the even scarier part starts. Some how maintaining commitment to continue eating better and exercising. ugh!!! Why couldn't I have been born skinny with a high metabolism?

I mean being fat is wearing your struggle for all to see and talk about behind your back. Not fun!! So now like everyone else we have to get all Dr. Phil and look inside ourselves to determine why we are the way we are. Why do we choose to hurt ourselves? And I know that some people are overweight because of an imbalance or medicines or a whole hosts of things. But the fact of the matter that we all have to face, is that it's up to us to adjust. We have to find ways around those things and to be honest. Up until now I haven't been willing enough to be vulnerable and admit that I suck at this even though everyone could see I sucked at it I couldn't actually say it. And for me that is what it is taking.

My Dr. Phil moments have come with my best friend who is thin and pretty and always has been. Who has always let me talk about my fatness and recently she has pushed me to be more honest with myself, something that I very much appreciate. Being fat isn't fun and again I know that I am speaking for myself because there are those really awesome confident women out there who are just great and wear their fatness well. I am not one of them, it plays into all my craziness, contributes to my social awkwardness and is a huge factor in my self worth. I'm not saying that losing weight will cure me of all those inside things but it sure as hell is making me deal with them.

I mean I'm not saying that I'm ever going to be in the right weight range for my height because lets face it I have a big head and I don't particularly want to look like a bobble head. However I also don't want to be that person that you are pissed you have to sit beside on the airplane. I'm looking for something in the middle.

Side notes on the rest of my self improvement project. My hand writing is still bad but better. I am early spring cleaning and throwing a bunch of crap away! Made it to the dermatologist(big deal). I have now have three different skin creams. I will be starting a new job at the end of this month. Found a night cream for my face that I really like. Drinking more milk so I can have strong bones and not shrink.

So, I'm no where close to being that person I wanted to be when I was a kid but I'm working on it. I know it will more than likely take my whole life but I can only be mad at myself if I never try. I know this is lame and feely but that's where I am right now.

Once again I am going to try to do better about posting more often.